Collage shortcuts

In the weeks before my operation, I continue making collages. The previous post "Angst" has been a kind of expression of my worst feelings. Since then, I have been at my desk again, at my daily collage. This one is quite joyful. It started very differently!

The most important change for me is from 3 to 4, where the fearful expression changes into a smile. I feel that this is the way to go in my life, whatever may happen.

Something is nagging me deep inside: fear. Because I have to undergo an important operation. When the doctor told me the bad news, I couldn’t believe it. But when a friend mailed me lots of articles entitled “Cancer…”, I felt worse and worse. What can I expect? What can I do now?
Anyway, as much as I reflect on it, it doesn’t change the fundamental fact, the mortal issue of life. So all I can do is to go on, do my job and put some distance between this idea and my everyday life. The Jewish philosopher Rosenzweig explains that we only manage to live by forgetting that we are mortal. Till now, I managed to make one collage related to my inner state. It is called ANGST, a word that expresses what’s going on in my guts. I prefer “angst” to “fear” because it’s existential, not about a precise menace. As I tend to focus on myself and my misery and to forget the others, some humor becomes mandatory. Beside its tragic expression, my collage becomes comical because of the exaggeration – a sad clown, helpless and lost but proud. Ah, artists…

Some associations with this collage:
Surrender to a "divine" message, losing one's reason: a grin, an open mouth. Manipulation: the string which is pulled from above, always ending with death. Not very optimistic a collage, but there is - of course - some black humour. It might, for ex., figure a kind of opera. A high pitched soprano with a man pulling the string to get the curtain down or trying to fetch a mini spear in order to shut her down. Many interpretations are possible because collage stimulates associations. I, the author, suggest some of them but there are more. Another example: the white grinning face with a white shirt - Rembrandt's so called Nightwatch (it's daylight)? Did I think at Rembrandt? Yes, I did, but afterwards. And what about the three hands of the character pulling the string/lance? He looks so contradictory: retreating and going foreward at one time - what's going on in him? Contradictory feelings I guess. Is the circle of the hill between them the rest of a halo? If it is, then there are maybe some religious connotations, for ex. what remains from the original message is pure gesticulation (as it used to be in many paintings of the past). Another idea: Gulliver? The flagellation of Christ?
Collage is a wonderful means of creativity!

PS I don't know if I'll be back here in the next weeks as I have to undergo an operation. Nothing terrible, but a couple of days in hospital. Till then, keep glueing, cutting or just thinking.