Collage shortcuts

The man in the train is a theme that I painted years ago. It was the picture of woman leaning against a train window, with a very melancholic Scandinavian landscape behind: mountains and in-between a gap with white light. The whole painting was monochrome, in cold blue. At that time I liked to travel alone but could feel solitary at moments.

Maybe too that the outlook of my life wasn’t so enthusiasming as it should have been. Another version of this theme vas a horizontal painting figuring a again a man in a compartment with an egg on a tablet and a futuristic scenery behind the window. Images of melancholy, of missed occasions, of mysterious fore comings? I was in my 30ies then and just after a terrible drama and divorce.
My collage has reminded me (after completion) of these fore runners. And I see some differences. First of all in the general Stimmung : it looks much funnier to me. The figure is a bit nosy, its napoleonesque gesture , haircut and clothes seem quite outdated compared to the outfit of the bathers. It’s a tourist coming from another time, let’s call him Memling. Memling doesn’t pay attention to what’s going on behind and under him, he doesn’t care about swimming, sunbathing or other holiday attractions. He just passes by. Only the bored left eye might give a hint to some melancholy whereas his nose is already on the beach.
I must say too that the collage seems more improvised to me than my paintings, I am tempted to say that I gained some pictorial freedom and a greater sense of humor, looking at life with some distance, at least sometimes.

Reading Robert A. Burton’s book On being certain, I feel comforted about my many doubts concerning what I am creating day after day. For example, passing at my brother's after several years of absence, I discovered on the walls some of my earlier works. Looking at them, I felt pleased for the fact that displayed them but I was tempted to "better" them. Indeed, as I see it now, these works are a little maladroit. But when I made them, I felt like a king. Since then, I guess I instructed my hidden artist to be a harder judge, at least I hope so. In those years, I resented some vanity in saying or thinking that I was an ARTIST, a chosen human. Thank God, this is gone now so that I can focus on the work itself and leave my ego not out of the game but not interfering too much. What I learn in this book that the Buddhist conception of reality (maya) is a brilliant insight in the way the human conscience functions. So why do I do what I am doing? Because I don't know a more pleasant way to get some insight in the creative possibilities of the human mind. And then of course, the temptation of building up an opus magnus, or better of trying to reach for perfection, to go farther. Collage means to me expression, not a quest for beauty and harmony. When there is harmony it occurs despite of expression, a the result of a long struggle with the fragments. Whereas painting refers to beauty and harmony – at least as I see it. I always had to struggle to squeeze out the expression. The only paintings that privileged expression over beauty were from artist like Caravaggio or Goya. And my search is for expression over harmony, surely because beauty is often an illusion in my eyes and it becomes so easily stereotyped.
Here is the link to the bigger picture.

I like this grotesque collage because it is quite amusing. And that’s what I am looking for in these days before my hospitalization. The figure is jumping across the bourgeois interior, sailing through the room - where to? I don’t know how and where he’ll land, if he’ll hurt himself or just get safely on the ground. Or does he just pursue his flight? And he’s looking a bit awkward, quite surprised by his sudden power. And hope this will be same for me. I don’t care what kind of leap I’ll do, but, please, let it be a big one, Mr. Chairman.

And here is the making of it: